It's crazy in my head sometimes when I think about love and trying to understand it and what it all means. I feel like I change my mind about things way too much and I have impossible expectations sometimes also lol. It's like with every guy that I find who loves me, I find something wrong with him or I feel something really strong and think he's the one and then reality sets in and I start to see his flaws ever so steadily more clearly. UGH! Johnny is amazing, don't get me wrong but there are little things here or there that I'm like hmmm - like his jokes, I often don't get them or don't find them funny.
Sometimes I also can't help but thinking what if there's someone out there for me who fits me even more perfectly bc I've been right everytime I've let a guy go and found another one.... I guess ultimately it boils down to the question of: How do you know if the person is right for you or whether they're the ones you should say forever to? I think if anyone had that definitively figured out, divorce or break-ups wouldn't happen huh? I mean I know I love Johnny but it's just idk I guess I still question things a lot and I know myself and I tend to get ahead of myself sometimes and let my heart shut my brain off but then after a bit, my brain comes back into the picture and makes me feel all sorts of confused.
I know he's a catch and I'm crazy but idk what it is inside me that throws everything so incredibly out of loop sometimes...?
I used to always say when you know you just know but what the hell does that mean exactly? what if you thought you knew and then realize you don't really know anything? lol and what if what you thought was exactly right for you changes and you realize it doesn't work? then what? were you wrong from the start and just anaware of it? and what about those people that were marvelously in love then way later down the line they say they fell out of love?
I just want to be over loved like this awesome song I like:
"Overloved"
I need to find somebody who can't sleep at night
Without holding me without holding me tight
I want someone who sees me all the time in their dreams
And then wakes up thinking just of me
Spent time on my own
Spent time being free
Now I just wanna be
Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved
I want someone who can't wait to kiss me again
Even though it's been a minute since they last did
Want someone who loves love songs
And dedicates them to me
And two loving arms never out of reach
Been fine all alone
Did fine being free
This time I wanna be
This time I wanna be
Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved
Want someone to talk to me with talk so sweet
Want someone who's there to share their world with me
I've been too lonely for too many nights
This time I need someone here in my life
This time I want someone holding me tight
Been under kissed, under touched
Now I just wanna be
Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved
I just wanna be
Overloved
By someone who's over in love with me
Over kissed over touched over missed
Overloved
I guess ultimately I just need to chill and take things slower – force a person to really earn my love and affection. Usually because I’m sooo ready to give all this love I have inside, I tend to kind of just throw it all out on the line because I’m so ready for it and so ready to move onto the next phase in my life.
You probably think I’m nuts right about now or got tired about halfway through and decided I’m a little on the Charlie Sheen side :P but I promise you I’m not crazy I’m just lost in this big world trying to figure out my way through it…
I may fall in love easily but that makes me a lot braver then the cowards who hide behind fear so much they’re too busy worrying about getting hurt, to ever go out and experience love at all. Love may be scary and risky but it can also be beautiful and magical and the truth is none of us have to have it all figured out, we just have to make sure we’re having fun and living life to it’s fullest along the way to wherever it takes us. J
