So I haven't been on in a while - A LOT has been going on lately yikes! I quit my job over a month ago - got another one already but it doesn't start until May 21st :), and my Johnny is living with me now. I know this is rather personal but I think it would be not only therapeutic but very interesting to share my life's events and get feedback on it and also to get people to write me about there ventures in love or just in life - sorta like a Dear Abby column only for a younger generation and it's Dear Connie ;)
What's happened with me lately is that I recently caught my utterly perfect boyfriend text cheating on me - Ouch! Yes this was a terrible heart wrenching experience that I don't wish on any of my readers but it's an experience that I don't think we talk about enough or really explore when it comes to relationships. Is it possible to move on and continue in a relationship with someone who has committed such an atrocious indiscretion against the person they were supposed to love? I think it really depends on the two people and the level of commitment they have towards one another.
SHOCKING I know! lol Who thought this person who was so sappy and idealistic about love could think this level of hurt is forgivable??? Well I didn't think like this always but recently I've been forced to confront all of my deepest fears. Not only as a women but as a person in general. Trust, fidelity, and honesty are the three most important components of any relationship - whether it be a friendship, partnership, or relationship. So how would it be possible then to repair a relationship when these three pillars have been broken?
Well first you have to ask yourself some questions aka hard thinking... How much do I honestly think this person loves me? What things has this person done to prove their love to me prior to this issue? Do I feel like apart from what's happened, that I could see myself with this person in the long run? Do I feel like I could honestly trust this person with my heart again? Would I be happy if things did work out for the better with this behind us? If you could say yes to those things then the relationship deserves some thought and perhaps you do have something worth salvaging if you both put a lot of effort and patience towards it. IF NOT however, then you should let the person know that you don't feel that you can go on with the relationship - Don't kid yourself or your partner if you honestly feel hurt beyond repair. Also give yourself a few days to think about it or at least to cry out your pain. How can you know how you really feel if you haven't even let yourself have any real emotions about it yet?
HOLD IT! Also lets define cheating shall we... For me personally "if you would not like you're partner doing it then it's cheating and you shouldn't be doing it. Period!"
I personally couldn't forgive someone physically cheating but we all have our limits - in mine and Johnny's case he was texting people he'd met online and had never met and was even going by a different name and age. There's no excuse for cheating and believe me I cried for days because I was so disgusted and hurt but ultimately I know he's sorry and I know that he loves me and I also had long talks with his mom about the situation and decided that if he really put the effort in to make it right and to be patient while I try to get through it then we could continue and try to salvage the relationship.
After you've thought it out and made your decision have a long and detailed discussion with the person about where you want the relationship to go and where they stand. Are they as torn up about the situation as you are? Does it rattle them to their core that they put you in so much pain? Where do they honestly want the relationship to lead in the near future? Why do they feel they should be forgiven and given a second chance? Grill them with as many questions as you can think up at this time. They were wrong! They hurt you and you deserve to know where you stand and what to expect from this person. BUT remember that this is not your shot to punish them for the rest of their life - if they really love you then they're going to do that all on their own and you should definitely make them sorry and let them know that there is no chance after this and they are lucky you're considering dealing with it in the first place.
Also THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! Yes a bad thing has happened but news flash ladies and gents, your partner still has feelings. They may have been wrong for what they did but they still deserve to be treated like a human being.
I have more to say on this but for now I'm going to leave it at that - if you'd like to comment or ask me any questions please do! I'm no expert on anything but I love discussions and love to talk about anything in general. catch ya later :)
